Everybody knows... Shit Happens

TAOISM: "if you understand shit, it isn`t shit"
HINDUISM: "this shit happened before"
CONFUSIANISM: "confucious say `shit happens´"
BUDDHISM: "shit will happen to you again"
ZEN: "what is the sound of shit happening?"
ISLAM: "if shit happens it is the will of Allah"
SIKHISM: "leave our shit alone"
JEHOVA`S WITNESS: "knock knock. shit happens"
ATHEISM: "i don`t believe this shit"
AGNOSTICISM: "can you prove that shit happens?"
CATHOLICISM: "if shit happens, you deserve it"
PROTESTANTISM: "shit happens, amen to that"
JUDAISM: "why does shit always happen to us?"
ORTHODOX JUDAISM: "so shit happens, already"
TELEVANGELISM: "send money or shit will happen to you"
RASTAFARIANISM: "let`s smoke this shit"
HARE KRISHNA: "shit happens rama rama"
NATION OF ISLAM: "don`t take no shit"
NEW AGE: "visualize shit happening"
SHINTOISM: "you inherit the shit of your ancestors"
HEDOISM: ""i love it when shit happens"
SATAISM: "sneppah tihs"
CAPITALISM: "this is MY shit"
FEMINISM: "men are shit"
EXISTENTIALISM: "what is shit anyway?"
SCIENTOLOGY: "if shit happens, see Dianetics p.137"
MORMONISM: "excrement happens" (don`t say shit)
BAPTISM: "we´ll wash the shit right off you"
MYSTICISM: "this is really weird shit"
WICCA: "you can make shit happen but shit will happen to you three times"
DISNEYISM: "bad shit doesn`t happen here"

COMMUNISM: "let`s share the shit"
MARXISM: "you have nothing to loose but your shit"
CONSPIRACY THEORISM: "THEY shit on us!"
PSYCHO-ANALYSIS: "tell me about your shit"
DARWINISM: "survival of the shittiest"
AMISH: "modern shit is useless"
SUICIDAL: "i`ve had enough of this shit"
OPTIMISM: "shit won`t happen to me"
TREKISM: "to boldly shit where no-one has shit before"
SHAKESPEAREAN: "to shit or not to shit, that is the question"
DESCARTES: "i shit therefor I am"
FREUD: "shit is a phallic symbol"
LAWYERS: "for enough money, i can get you out of shit"
ACUPUNCTURIST: "hold still or this will hurt like shit"
DOG: "i just shit in your shoe"
CAT: "dogs are shit"
MOUSE: "oh shit! a cat!"
POLITICALLY CORRECT: "internally processed, nutritionally-drained biological output happens"
EINSTEIN: "shit is relative"
FAMILY GARTHERING: "relatives are shit"
MATERIALISM: "whoever dies with the most shit, wins"
VEGETARIANISM: ""if it happens to shit, don`t eat it"
FATALISM: "oh shit, it`s going to happen!"
AMERICANISM: "who gives a shit"
HIP-HOP: "motherfuck this shiznit, beeach!"
TANTRISM: "fuck this shit"
CYNICISM: "we are all full of shit"
SURREALISM: "fish happens"